In Memory of Lisa Michelle Manley

I don’t know where to put this. I can’t even think…

I just know that I need to tell it. I need to let it out. I’m sorry if this is inappropriate in any way.

My BFF called me this afternoon as I was on my way to get my nails done. I’ve had a wonderful day. Good news about Lucy’s cancer. I went down to the office and saw my hubby’s new space. They have good reason to be proud of it.

We went to Pig out in the Park. A huge event where all the local food vendors get together and put up a food truck in the park. Lots of food, odd music and prime people watching material.

We got chased by a bee because it wanted some of the daughter’s barbecued pork.

And with my daughter sitting next to me in the car on a beautiful, late summer day… and with my BFF on speaker phone… she told me that her little sister, whom I have known since she was 12 years old, killed herself today.

I had to get off the road.

She babysat my children. She house sat for me and took care of my bird when we went out of town. When she was a teenager, she called me when she had fights with her parents and we talked about stuff. Then her life got better, she got her AA at the same time that I got mine at the same college. She got married last year, they were thinking about kids.

She wasn’t biologically related, but when you live a thousand miles or more from your genetic family… you put down roots. You meet other people and they become a part of your life. They become… your family.

I feel like I’ve just lost my baby sister, even though she wasn’t mine. All I can do.. is sit here and write and cry… and wonder why. Why didn’t she call? Why didn’t she TALK to me? Why didn’t she talk to any of us? How on God’s green earth could it have been so bad that she couldn’t think of any other way out?

She was 22 years old.

22.

So much life left to live… how could it be so horrible that she didn’t want to live it?

I don’t think I will ever know.

I want to shout at the sky and kick and scream and demand that God give her back to us right now… but it won’t do any good. I can’t make her take it back. I can’t do anything. Right now, I am sitting by the phone in my kitchen, waiting to hear back from my BFF. She said she would need me tonight, so I’ll be right here waiting.

If you all could, please say a prayer tonight for Lisa and her family.

May she find the happiness in the next life, that everyone deserves to find in this one. May her family find the strength to move forward.

Mugen and the Street Sweeper.

So… I had some yard work to do out front today. The weather is just gorgeous and I felt bad about leaving Mugen inside because it was super hot in the house and we haven’t done the first start of our A/C unit yet. Lucy was already firmly entrenched in her post-lunch, pre afternoon nap, nap.

So… I grabbed the long line and went out front.

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Why Bullying is a Problem.

Bullying isn’t a new problem.

When I was a teenager, I was bullied. My parents talked to the school. I talked to the school and told my teachers about the bullies in each of my classes in junior high. Every single time that someone called me a name, or hit me, they got caught doing it. Every single time, they got suspended and a phone call went to their parents that grounded them until the end of the school year.

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Prom.

The son is 16…. almost 17. He’s getting his driver’s license as soon as he passes the test. He only failed it by two points last week, he actually did really well and the examiner told him that most kids fail it the first time because they get nervous, but the second time is a cakewalk.

He got his first job. He’s finishing up his junior year in high school with decent enough grades and a plan for college. He’s got a girlfriend that I actually approve of.

She invited him to prom.

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Mugen is AMAZING!

Yesterday, I decided to try something different for dog school. I fed Mugen a larger than usual breakfast and skipped his lunch meal entirely. Dinner happens after dog school is over. I thought I’d see how this worked for us.

I got out my hot dogs (hebrew national, 97% fat free! Thanks to Annette! I never would have thought to share MY hot dogs with the puppy if she hadn’t mentioned it!!) and started slicing them up and prepping them to go in the nuker and Mugen started salivating all over the place. So I had him do a few sits and downs for me and I gave him a couple bits of hot dog and then we got into the car and left.

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Miss Lucy Girl

It started at the end of August. I hadn’t even thought of adopting a second dog yet. Mugen had been home for just under a month at that point, and I had no idea that anything this heart wrenching was going to happen. I was wrapped up in chocolate Lab puppy dreams and sweet puppy kisses.

I didn’t know anything at all.

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Three Months Gone.

Reilly,

It’s been almost three months since you left and I still miss you every single day. It gets hard every time I see another big black dog. It’s hard to drive my car because I’m used to having you breathe in my hair when I zip through the bends. The kids miss you sneaking into their bedrooms to sleep on their beds and I miss your nose pushing into my hand to wake me up every morning. Daddy misses your doggie bounce and wiggly butt.

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Walking Away

There has come a time in every relationship that I’ve had with most of the people I know… where I have had to walk away from them for a while. Either they create too much stress for me or they say things about me to my friends and family that are simply not true. Perhaps they are well-meaning and try to help when I complain about my problems, but instead they say things that go completely against my grain and I just smile and nod and then don’t bother to return their phone calls.

I know this sounds petty and childish, but it’s really not. The truth is, sometimes friends grow apart. Sometimes things change and the really great friend that you once had isn’t such a great person for you to be around anymore. I have a friend who refers to these people as “toxic individuals” and it’s a really good phrase for them, especially because I think that the moment a relationship with another person becomes toxic, that’s it. It’s over.

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Mugen the Amazing Puppy Monster

So he’s home.

I thought I would need more time to recover from Reilly’s passing, and I still miss him horribly, but it’s hard to be sad when you stand at your kitchen counter typing and there is a brand new little baby licking your toes.

When I talked to his breeder, I expected to have to get on a waiting list. She ended up with two more puppies than she’d planned for this summer and hadn’t been able to find forever homes for them all at the time that we’d spoken. In other words, I got lucky. If I had waited a couple more weeks to contact her, she would have found perfect homes for all the puppies and I would have been out of luck. Maybe it was fate.

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Facebook Sucks

The last few years have been very cathartic for me. I have had to say good bye to a lot of things that I loved from the time that I was very small. My grandmother passed away last summer, just ten days before my birthday. I had to haul ass to get home to talk to her just one more time before she left and she didn’t even get to say good-bye to my children. That was how fast I had to move just to be with her. After I said good bye to her, I said good bye to the house where I grew up. The yard was overgrown, but the trees were still there and I could still see the scars on the old maple where my swing used to be. I never knew how my grandfather managed to get the swing put up there, or if he made my dad do it. When I was a kid, it didn’t matter. But then, in that moment all I could see was that the swing was long gone and the remnants of my childhood hung in that yard like ancient material, too strong and durable to give way, and at the same time so delicate and fragile that a single touch would rend all to dust.

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