Three Months Gone.

Reilly,

It’s been almost three months since you left and I still miss you every single day. It gets hard every time I see another big black dog. It’s hard to drive my car because I’m used to having you breathe in my hair when I zip through the bends. The kids miss you sneaking into their bedrooms to sleep on their beds and I miss your nose pushing into my hand to wake me up every morning. Daddy misses your doggie bounce and wiggly butt.

We got a puppy pretty fast, I wasn’t sure I was ready. He’s nothing like you. He’s smart, he’s sweet but he’s not a happy go lucky little fellow. He’s actually sort of serious and kind of… pensive which is something that I never imagined I would see in a Lab. I thought all Labs were like you. Big, goofy and lovable. I think I was right on the big and lovable part. Mugen’s not very goofy. Maybe that’s something he has to grow into, kind of like his feet.

We’re learning a lot from Mugen, but I am still so grateful for everything you taught me and while Mugen is an amazing kid, I’m not sure anything will ever fill the hole that you left in my heart when you took off for greener pastures. I wish you were here to help me train him, but mostly… I just wish you were here.

I can’t stop thinking about you today. I don’t know why. It’s probably because I’ve decided that I’m writing my NaNoWriMo piece this year in your memory. I know that you will be sitting there with your head in my armpit in spirit while I hide in the basement and slam 50,000 words out of my brain and onto a keyboard in 30 days. You were there when I did it last year and always will be. Your support is what helped me get through it and I can do it again now because you were there.

I know I will cry the entire time that I’m writing this piece because it is all about you, but I know when it’s done that it will be the last thing that we did together and I will find some healing in it. But still… it’s so lonely here without you.

Daddy and I have decided to have 2 dogs this time and he joked that our second dog should be a dachsund. I stared at him and wondered who’d run off with him and replaced him with a pod person. He’s never liked little dogs. I like them, but I think Mugen would eat a doxie. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I can visualize it… so I think that’s probably not gonna happen. We’ll just wait a couple years and get a girl. As much as Dad wants a yellow dog, I have my heart set on getting another black dog. Chocolate is nice, but I always find myself staring at how beautiful black Labs are… and I blame you for it.

Miss you lots waggin’ tail dog. I have to stop now because I’ve run out of kleenex.

Run free, play nice with the other kids and I’ll see you on the other side.

Love,

Mom