I don’t know where to put this. I can’t even think…
I just know that I need to tell it. I need to let it out. I’m sorry if this is inappropriate in any way.
My BFF called me this afternoon as I was on my way to get my nails done. I’ve had a wonderful day. Good news about Lucy’s cancer. I went down to the office and saw my hubby’s new space. They have good reason to be proud of it.
We went to Pig out in the Park. A huge event where all the local food vendors get together and put up a food truck in the park. Lots of food, odd music and prime people watching material.
We got chased by a bee because it wanted some of the daughter’s barbecued pork.
And with my daughter sitting next to me in the car on a beautiful, late summer day… and with my BFF on speaker phone… she told me that her little sister, whom I have known since she was 12 years old, killed herself today.
I had to get off the road.
She babysat my children. She house sat for me and took care of my bird when we went out of town. When she was a teenager, she called me when she had fights with her parents and we talked about stuff. Then her life got better, she got her AA at the same time that I got mine at the same college. She got married last year, they were thinking about kids.
She wasn’t biologically related, but when you live a thousand miles or more from your genetic family… you put down roots. You meet other people and they become a part of your life. They become… your family.
I feel like I’ve just lost my baby sister, even though she wasn’t mine. All I can do.. is sit here and write and cry… and wonder why. Why didn’t she call? Why didn’t she TALK to me? Why didn’t she talk to any of us? How on God’s green earth could it have been so bad that she couldn’t think of any other way out?
She was 22 years old.
So much life left to live… how could it be so horrible that she didn’t want to live it?
I don’t think I will ever know.
I want to shout at the sky and kick and scream and demand that God give her back to us right now… but it won’t do any good. I can’t make her take it back. I can’t do anything. Right now, I am sitting by the phone in my kitchen, waiting to hear back from my BFF. She said she would need me tonight, so I’ll be right here waiting.
If you all could, please say a prayer tonight for Lisa and her family.
May she find the happiness in the next life, that everyone deserves to find in this one. May her family find the strength to move forward.